Craving for a shaft of light

By the end, leaves and flowers shed making it the past and moving towards the future. The nature talks less about abandonment and its excruciating pain. It more over states “letting go” and “giving”.

No matter how many times anyone goes to another place whether for a day or a month, the goodbyes don’t get any easier. Maybe, because we know maybe there is no coming back. It’s just a part of life now, of letting people go because they have dreams to follow. Some people dream big, some people want to experiment; a way of life. The others leave because that’s just how much they wanted with you.

There is immense pain, in loss and abandonment of love. They loved the best way(maybe): with a touch of madness and a reckless abandonment.
One morning your whole world revolves around a person and the other you wake up alone finding yourself alone. You tell yourself all possible sorts of lies to maintain your sanity, you still love them unconditionally…still wait for them to turn around and come back. You know the truth all along, you know they were the one who felt too good to be true. The ones your gut warned you about!

It was so perfect between the two of you! You loved them so much that maybe it was all beautiful and they loved you as well. If it is so then why would they leave and not fight to be with you? Maybe the circumstance are so that they have to leave, sometimes it’s a choice. Every living creature on the planet deserved to be loved and so do you, so have faith.

You now know that you felt like you were born again because of your love, but died of the same. It’s funny how a person can break your heart, and you can still love them with all the little pieces. Later you delve right into the deepest part of the dark water of missing them and you let it envelope you. You feel their absence on a guttural level.  At this moment, the pain is just not emotional but physical. One fine day this pain will be your daily ritual, but you choose stop waiting for them to come back by realizing that pain is an inevitable component of moving forward. You realize that there is no such thing as ready and maybe time will help you forget how it happened. All of this happened, they broke and left you for a reason: you maybe don’t know but if they lied and left then is it all worth it?
When did love become so self-destructive? You have to love yourself enough. You have to show up to your new life, your new world and your new way of doing things, no matter how painful and raw it all feels.
You need to learn from the people you’ve lost and to embrace the people who you have left, to embrace the life you have because you matter. You loved deeply and they still left, you lost but they lost much more. If they cared enough about you they wouldn’t abandon you. They broke you and you need to fix yourself and move on away from the dark into the light. It’s the strength that comes from within. Maybe our true test lies in how bright we can shine in the dark sky.
My best friend once said “There is no knight in shining amour who would save you. No hero will come with a lantern and banish the dark. You have got to be your own sun!”

She was right, no one except you can save yourself.. ever.

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