Dark mornings 

 

Bright sunny mornings still hurt my eyes, I want to stay in all day with the curtains closed inside my blanket.I don’t like it, but I have to drag myself out to college. Feeling heavy inside and wearing a fake smile outside. I have to get up and live even if it is little by  little everyday.

It still kills me inside because I know I am still in love with someone who doesn’t bother to reach out to me but that’s all that it is now. I don’t think I have trouble accepting that he doesn’t love me anymore.

I wish I could share it with someone.. this pain, grief everything looks so good from the outside and inside it’s broken. Dark,empty, and hollow.

With all the courage I could gather.. I pull myself to the bathroom everyday and look at the mirror and say to myself “Look at what you have done to yourself for someone who maybe has fallen out of love ! You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and he is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be!! Wake up! Get everything in place”

Talking aloud to myself always gave me some energy to face it all! It made me feel like I have a little strength. Just enough to drag myself out of a dark room slowly each day.

We have our days, some days are better than the others. Some days we just want to live, laugh and love and others well we wish they pass.

I am learning to live with all of it, learning to accept all of it. I still feel so heavy inside,lying down under stars and staring into the blank space. I push myself out into a world of fiction, a place where I believe everything will be alright. I wish broken hearts were like medical injuries at least we would the time period it would take to heal. I guess uncertainty is what we all have to live with.

Everyone loses something when they love, I lost myself. Everyday.. now I try to get myself back, it is a struggle. About My relationship I have accepted that some people are part of your history not destiny and that you have to get up and move.Currently moving on from a relationship that wasn’t working is about loving yourself. For me, this is the hardest part. I believe blaming myself in a self-reproaching way is a waste of energy that only brings about negative emotions and delays the healing process. Instead, I want to turn the pain into a gain. I know I see myself clearly today, yes maybe I am not okay but I will be. It takes time, but it doesn’t take forever.

You don’t have to do all of this alone, you can seek help from anyone you can confide in. I know it’s very very difficult. But It’s always good to know that someone is there for you, well I know I have someone and it makes it much easier to live each day. I know that I can call my person and she will be there, even if I don’t tell her what’s wrong.

Sometimes we need hope, that’s where we find it in the comfort of love. That love can be anyone’s family, friends or even a pet but sometimes it’s all you need to keep you going.

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19 thoughts on “Dark mornings 

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    1. All the times he made you smile..

      Sometimes things don’t last forever..
      but memories do…
      just be thankful for the experience of love with him…
      that’s the most wonderful feeling ever..
      Be thankful for getting the chance to love ❤️ him.. and thank him for sharing some of him with you. You enjoyed him.
      And that’s why you are hurt 😭 so bad..
      the best hurt ever..
      you have to experience the bed feelings of love ❤️ to feel that kind of hurt…

      So smile because you have and got the the most awesome and most amazing experience life has to offer…
      you know what’s it’s like to feel loved and to love someone so much it hurts…

      Just close that chapter and open up your heart ❤️ again to receive this most wonderful and sweetest gift of love..
      you will find love again.. Because you know the kind of joy it brings and creates..

      You will…..

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh trust and believe that your not…. Moving on is very hard for some but there is a whole world out there for you and always know that you are worth it and Fuck who say different… Someone will find you and treat you like your supose to be treated and more…don’t go looking they will find you. Mean while stay confident and love yourself! That’s the most important thing!
        Sorry for saying so much..

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      2. No need to thank me but thanx… Just be pationt and things will be ok… Just buy listing to your words who ever you are or use to be dealing with they can’t handle a strong person like you… They don’t know or want to know your true worth. That’s a sign… He is not ment to be with you. There will be better days trust me… The stranger… Lol😎👍

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  1. Moving on is sometimes well nigh impossible when you have this dark empty fecking cavern inside. I have always held to the fact that in life there’s things we don’t know and can’t see about the road we are jolted onto but that we are jolted for a reason. We might not see that reason right now but one day we turn round and think ..yep.. May you get tot that place and find the one who will love you

    Liked by 1 person

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