Bright sunny mornings still hurt my eyes, I want to stay in all day with the curtains closed inside my blanket.I don’t like it, but I have to drag myself out to college. Feeling heavy inside and wearing a fake smile outside. I have to get up and live even if it is little by little everyday.
It still kills me inside because I know I am still in love with someone who doesn’t bother to reach out to me but that’s all that it is now. I don’t think I have trouble accepting that he doesn’t love me anymore.
I wish I could share it with someone.. this pain, grief everything looks so good from the outside and inside it’s broken. Dark,empty, and hollow.
With all the courage I could gather.. I pull myself to the bathroom everyday and look at the mirror and say to myself “Look at what you have done to yourself for someone who maybe has fallen out of love ! You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and he is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be!! Wake up! Get everything in place”
Talking aloud to myself always gave me some energy to face it all! It made me feel like I have a little strength. Just enough to drag myself out of a dark room slowly each day.
We have our days, some days are better than the others. Some days we just want to live, laugh and love and others well we wish they pass.
I am learning to live with all of it, learning to accept all of it. I still feel so heavy inside,lying down under stars and staring into the blank space. I push myself out into a world of fiction, a place where I believe everything will be alright. I wish broken hearts were like medical injuries at least we would the time period it would take to heal. I guess uncertainty is what we all have to live with.
Everyone loses something when they love, I lost myself. Everyday.. now I try to get myself back, it is a struggle. About My relationship I have accepted that some people are part of your history not destiny and that you have to get up and move.Currently moving on from a relationship that wasn’t working is about loving yourself. For me, this is the hardest part. I believe blaming myself in a self-reproaching way is a waste of energy that only brings about negative emotions and delays the healing process. Instead, I want to turn the pain into a gain. I know I see myself clearly today, yes maybe I am not okay but I will be. It takes time, but it doesn’t take forever.
You don’t have to do all of this alone, you can seek help from anyone you can confide in. I know it’s very very difficult. But It’s always good to know that someone is there for you, well I know I have someone and it makes it much easier to live each day. I know that I can call my person and she will be there, even if I don’t tell her what’s wrong.
Sometimes we need hope, that’s where we find it in the comfort of love. That love can be anyone’s family, friends or even a pet but sometimes it’s all you need to keep you going.