The Crescent moon

Lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling , I wonder if all my life I have concealed my emotions why is this one consuming me? Why a heartbreak is making me feel so differently about myself. Going back and forth to those times, thinking of how any of it could make sense.
It was a long time ago, it should really not affect me anymore. I am drowning in the thoughts, the flashes of the past and the memories. I fell like his absence is testing my sensory. I tell myself getting over all of this now is necessary. The less effort I make the more I remember, it’s like something I have to live with forever. I try to forget and get hard on myself, when I need to know that it shall get out of me by itself. Now and then I try to be happy, for looking back could only makes me feel crappy.

Him, I think of him now and then ; one action or a word would bring back thousands of emotions and memories. I guess I feed on my memories and those times when I were happy . Sometimes I wonder all those times was it us or was it just me? I wonder how someone can leave without looking back even once ?Β  I guess the worst part of it all is after all that happened, I remember the good and I loved him. It is like the half of me still wants to be with him and the other half of me is over. I am swinging back and forth under the action of gravity.
I wish getting over was as easy as falling in. But getting over something is more like a grieving process. I mourn the loss of the relationship I shared. The end maybe sad but the journey was good and it taught me so much about myself and my capabilities .
Now when I hear his name, I do not fall apart anymore. It is true, I lost ; I lost someone who maybe loved me…who maybe cared but who certainly would not stand up for me…who didn’t make any effort to keep it together..who chose to leave and that, is not a loss.
I am at a point where I have accepted the end, It does not hurt me anymore. Everyone makes mistakes, and when emotions are high, people will get hurt. Those negative feelings go away with time. It was something I have to rise from, find myself again. Rediscover my hobbies and become more in tune with the person I once was. In the end it all comes down to us and not them, some fights are fought alone because they are against ourselves. I guess so are heartbreaks, we can get over if we will to for ourselves. I know I need to and I know that I am a better version of me today than what I was yesterday and I am content with it but I can’t stop here.. I need to keep growing…learning and finding myself. I need to love myself like my life depends on it because it does!!

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Well written. Keep the words flowing

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautifully written piece. Sounds like it is coming from the heart of experience? Let those emotions come out through the keys, we’re listening. Its going to be fun walking along side you on this journey and seeing the growth and joy blossoming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Experience makes a writer feel and pain makes him write πŸ™‚
      Thank you for dropping by πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like that phrase. I have learned another thing today, thank you, lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. beehopper says:

    Trails and heartaches actually help us to grow and are but stepping stones to that growth. They create who we are and if taught by them, we can be better for them. Eventually you will look back and appreciate the past because it will give you new choices for your future. Become complete in and of yourself. Whoever joins you will only compliment who you already are…YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. eliza rudolf says:


    Liked by 1 person

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