The sun rose this morning, I woke up happy. As I was drinking my coffee, a simple yet powerful thought crossed my mind. I remembered my best friend ask me once, why are you feeling so much? So much for a person who made a choice to leave you? Really why would you give such a person the importance?
Her words stood true, her concern was right and I knew it all along but I still couldn’t figure it out that why trying leaving it and moving on was a problem, then I realized I love too deeply. I either do with all I have or I don’t do it at all. It’s not a choice I make but the way I live. Absolutely no harm in choosing this way but I needed to learn when I need to stop, when it was enough…When was the last fall for my mind, body, and soul.
I needed to not change myself, but embrace and learn it. Develop it further so I love deeply but don’t come out of it broken, or worse hopeless.
I do not know how to turn my heart off, I do not know how to stop giving, and though this is the most beautiful aspect of who I am, yet it is also the most fatal, for people who love deeply also hurt deeply. I don’t quite make sense to most. I am a resource of boundless feelings, but that does not mean you get to take advantage of that!
I agree, I have loved you with all I have inside, gave you my all.
After all, I know loving unconditionally was a choice I made. So, it’s not what I hurt or regret. The sad thing out of all of this is, I knew I believed in someone … in the good in someone and I tried but I couldn’t take it out. There weren’t enough efforts but now I know. I should have walked away when I was the only one walking the road and the distance. It is a two way road, it is a two way effort…yes of course one will be more than the other but it is also important to meet half way.
That’s a new journey, a new road I need to take. Not give my hurricanes to the wrong rib cages, not let the temporarily ones take away my faith in love and wait for the one to come along. Yes, I do now…I do embrace my past and accept it. I have learned all I could from it, take all the good things and recreate my present, my today.
We still can make the best out of it, best out of the little things that hurt us or the little things we loved. There is one thing now I know, all is for a reason…for a lesson. If it doesn’t work out it wasn’t supposed to, we need to stop trying to make it work after it’s over. To give up is no harm when there is nothing to lose, when there is nothing to save.
The end of something, always is a new door to something else. The end to this, a new door to learn myself, love myself and make myself better for myself.