I have been brewing resent towards people, and situations for months… I think years because it was not making sense to me anymore. Everything felt like a burden, I didn’t feel happy for long time. I felt a lot of pain, sadness, anger, fear, distrust and I can keep going on.
It is true that pessimism and negative thinking can pull us into a downward spiral that is hard to pull ourselves out of. It becomes a habit — worry and fear often hold us back from living. You always discover that your worries or fears were unfounded but you can’t break the habit.
It’s a personal journey to honestly look into the dark nooks inside ourselves and truly see the way we feel, the way we behave, and see what is blocking our own thriving. We’re talking about inner demons, fears, blocks, and limiting beliefs, we have to face up to those ourselves. Once I decided to change, I had to understand not only how I was being negative but also how to change it. I realized my underlying thoughts are causing my moodiness. Thoughts are things, and they create your feelings. Often, we need to move like this through several layers of awareness before we can improve.
Sorting things out and forcing a solution will always seem like the most compelling thing to do … but in fact focusing on these issues in this way is using exactly the wrong tools for the job to be done. What I mean is, thoughts come and go and trying to control what thoughts occur when, or trying to stop certain thoughts from happening altogether, is a poor use of your time and energy. Thoughts and emotions are like clouds floating across the sky: instead of getting lost in them, you can choose to watch them. They only hold power over you if you continue to blindly follow them wherever they lead. Thoughts are not permanent. They will be gone soon enough.
With emotions it is a little different. When we validate our emotions, we become more aware and accepting of them, and we begin to understand where they come from. It’s only in this place of awareness that we can see what power they may hold over us. But I have learnt to never act on strong emotion. Waiting until you are feeling calm is my approach towards them.
I have a long way to go on this path, and I know for sure is that the journey is worth it. I am slowly becoming calmer, more aware and more tolerant with myself. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better. I know for sure that I have been very hard on myself for most of my life. Also, that we are usually our own worst enemy. We hold ourselves back in so many ways but I am ready to move away from that harmful pattern. It is not that these fears no longer exist within me because they certainly do but now that I am becoming conscious, they no longer have a strangle hold on my life. Instead, I have a hold on how they can or cannot affect me.
There comes a freedom with accepting. It’s like a release of some sort.