We all dream about a perfect love, all credits to the novels and Romcoms (special credits to Nicholas Sparks and Disney). The kind of love that fights for us, that stays through it all. We imagine our ideal partner. The one who would put us first. The one we can trust. Someone who stands by our side through the toughest of days. The one who listens.
It really is not about finding someone who makes love easy, who falls into rhythm with you, whose hands feel perfect in yours, who comes into your life and suddenly everything makes sense. It’s not about finding someone who always loves you just right, who never says or does anything wrong, who cares for you unconditionally, without a single doubt. It’s not about finding someone who never makes you question, or get frustrated, or wonder. Because that is not loving, that’s a well-written fiction where everything is perfect and falls right into place.
Loving someone is hard, I don’t mean to scare you but it is true. It’s choosing someone even when they let you down, even when you’ve been conditioned to walk away instead of confronting, even when the rest of the world is falling in and out of these temporary commitments, even when the practical choice would be to simply let go. Especially when its just easier to end this and move on to another. Love is fighting. Not only fighting for each other with the world but also when you don’t agree. Fighting when you’re mad. Fighting when you want to walk away, and yet you still keep coming back. Fighting for one another, to be stronger than the day before.
Don’t get me wrong, love can be really chaotic. It’s relearning who you are alongside someone else. It’s losing pieces and finding pieces of yourself. It’s growing and shifting and accepting that you will never be the same two people, individual or together, and that’s what makes love so wonderful. It is choosing to grow with each other every single day. Love is messy because love involves evolving. Love is knowing that you will grow and change and that this process is so hard but so rewarding in the end.
You think that you’re supposed to find a perfect person, that you’re supposed to fall in this happily-ever-after love that never lets us question or doubt. You can think that one day you will fall into love and it will be everything you ever asked for. And in some ways, it will, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy.
Yes, you’ll find love. Oh, great god, you will live the best thing ever – LOVE. It will be incredible and completely rock your world. Yes, it will show you what you’ve been missing and searching for all this time. And I hope you learn that you get to make your own story, your own version of a beautiful kind of love. Love is not easy, never was. Love is work, it not just a feeling … It is time, effort, learning and even unlearning.
Love isn’t meant to be simple, because people aren’t meant to be easy. You’re supposed to have problems and obstacles and moments of discovery—because this is the purpose of life—to be forever growing. And when you find someone to grow with, you have to remember that it’s not about having this fairytale connection. It about having to have found something real.
And I hope you hold out for that person — the messy, the inconsistent, the sometimes unreliable, the flawed person who sees and loves, all the imperfection in you.
I hope you find love and I hope you keep loving!